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Ozzy Osbourne: Ozzmosis
04/06/10 || revenant
As an individual who works within the advertising industry, I must say that I am quite familiar with the wankery that is the invention of new buzzwords. In fact, I pretty much have to deal with that bullshit on a daily basis. Hell, I’ve even invented a few myself. One advantage this background brings is a unique ability to decipher new words quickly. For example – Ozzmosis. OK, so I know osmosis, the word from which this new word is derived, is the process by which liquid passes through a seemingly solid wall. Ozzmosis, therefore, must be the process by which shit music passes through the instruments and vocal chords of a seemingly solid group of musicians. Simple, is it not?
You’d be forgiven for thinking, like me, that this album was bound to be a winner given the pedigree of the musicians involved. Ozzy, of course, handles the vocals, with Geezer Butler on bass and Zakk Wylde on guitar. Add to that song writing contributions from Lemmy and Steve Vai. Seriously, how can you lose? By writing and performing terrible fucken tunes, that’s how.
The CD starts well, with an absolutely storming opener, “Perry Mason”. Enormous riffs and a catchy chorus make this one top notch rocker. Unfortunately, this opening track is exactly what everything that follows is not. For you see, every other track on this deplorable album is either a soft cock rock track or a lame ballad. Then, to further add to the listeners misery, Ozzy puts in some of the most ridiculous cheesy lyrics ever written. I’m not talking good cheese like the stuff you get on the top of a pizza, we’re talking the equivalent of lyrical limburger (for those who are unfamiliar with the world of cheese, limburger stinks like a dirty vagina).
The most vomit inducing song on the album is “My Little Man”. If anything, this track is supercharged limburger. In this over-the-top ballad, Ozzy pours out his love for his son. Touched? I’m fucken not. I can only assume that when Ozzy ejaculated during Jack’s conception, it wasn’t just semen he blew, but also every bit of testosterone left in his body. Seriously, if my father wrote a song about me like this, I’d punch the fucker in the head.
“Ozzmosis” received considerable commercial success upon release, which tells me I wasn’t the only one sucked in. It’s fair to say that this is probably the worst CD Ozzy has ever worked on. To sum up my feelings towards it, I have created my own new word that is what the album should have been called:
Arsemosis – the process by which you get fucked in the arse after buying a seemingly good (on paper) record.
- Information
- Released: 1995
- Label: Epic Records
- Website: www.ozzy.com
- Band
- Ozzy: vocals
- Zakk Wylde: guitars
- Geezer Butler: bass
- Rick Wakeman: keyboards
- Michael Beinhorn: keyboards
- Deen Castronovo: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. Perry Mason
- 02. I Just Want You
- 03. Ghost Behind My Eyes
- 04. Thunder Underground
- 05. See You on the Other Side
- 06. Tomorrow
- 07. Denial
- 08. My Little Man
- 09. My Jekyll Doesn’t Hide
- 10. Old L.A. Tonight
